My perspective from this place on Earth- Rochester, NY. :-)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Another HUMAN tragedy of the Iraq war..

Can this madness stop already? If the idiots in this country didn't allow Geo W. Dumbass to hijack the office of the presidency this guy (along with about tens of thousands of others) would be alive today.. This human tragedy in Afghanistan/Iraq (and beyond) is a disgusting digrace.. Geo Dumbass, you are not my president.

LEONARDTOWN, Maryland (AP) -- An Army Reservist despondent about being sent to Iraq was killed by police during a 14-hour standoff that began Christmas night when family members told authorities he was armed and threatening to kill himself.

James Emerick Dean, 28, had barricaded himself inside his father's house with several weapons Monday night, family members told police. He later told officers he would shoot anyone who entered the house. His father was not home at the time.

Around noon Tuesday, while police were preparing to use tear gas to force Dean out of the home, Dean came to the front door and pointed his weapon at an officer, St. Mary's County Sheriff Tim Cameron said. Another deputy shot Dean once, killing him.

Dean had already served 18 months in Afghanistan and was despondent after learning recently that he would be deployed to Iraq, family members told police.

During the standoff, Dean fired several shots at police, including one that struck a car where a deputy sat. The officer was not injured.

Cameron did not know what reserve unit Dean served in.

Wanda Matthews, who lives next door to Dean's father, told the Washington Post she knew the young man was depressed about heading to Iraq.

"His dad told me that he didn't want to go to war," Matthews said. "He had already been out there and didn't want to go again."

Pope Makes First Papal Visit To Six Flags


Pope Benedict returns from a "(bleepin') awesome trip!"
on the Xcalibur rollercoaster


EUREKA, MO—Pope Benedict XVI returned to Rome today following a historic, three-day trip to Six Flags St. Louis, the first official papal visit to a major American theme park since Pope Paul VI's Thanksgiving Mass at Wet 'n Wild in August 1966.


As the park opened its doors to the general public last Friday, the pope emerged from the last car of the Foghorn Leghorn National Park Railway to greet the throngs of people who had assembled hours earlier for a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pay their respects to the blessed pontiff and to vie for a seat on Superman Tower of Power, a popular free-fall ride.

The pope began his visit with a brief sermon delivered from the balcony of the Old Glory Amphitheatre, and blessed the park's many concession-stand workers who "provide sustenance for our brethren seeking to beat the heat."

"My friends in Christ, as we stand together today among this unusually large weekday crowd, I urge you and your children to exercise the twin virtues of faith and patience, for unto those who wait will come great rewards and monstrous thrills," the pontiff told those in line for the Screamin' Eagle roller coaster.

The pope was honored in a special ceremony outside the Warner Bros. Backlot, in which he was presented with a complimentary season pass, good for free entry at any Six Flags or Hurricane Harbor until August 31.

"I am pleased to announce to His Holiness, the Vicar of Christ, Pope Benedict XVI, that from this day forward, June 9 will forever be known as Pope Day at Six Flags St. Louis," said Shazam! ride-operator Gary Moynihan as he lowered the safety bar over the pope's lap and locked it into place. "Now, prepare to be scrambled!"

The pope took an aerial tour via Sky Tram to Goodtimes Square later on Friday, where he was greeted by Six Flags dignitaries Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, and the Tasmanian Devil. The trio of characters went on to sign an apostolic exhortation on the role of bishops, a Vatican concordat with Six Flags St. Louis, and the pope's personal autograph book.

The pontiff also posed for an official portrait by celebrated Six Flags caricature artist Trevor Doogan. The work depicted Benedict in his robes, mitre, and Rollerblades. The pope also celebrated a special midday Mass, in which the capacity-plus crowds received communion and cotton candy.

Early Saturday morning, Benedict delivered a children's prayer in Looney Tunes Town, in which he urged "courage, resolve, and strength of stomach when you come face to face with the temptation of XCalibur," and stressed that they should all "honor thy mother and father, who paid the ultimate price for your $45 day pass."
"If you are a child over 54 inches tall, your covenant with fun compels you to check out Batman the Ride," the pope added.

On the third day of the papal visit, bystanders witnessed what some called a minor miracle when Benedict reunited a lost four-year-old boy with his parents. "Today, a young wayward sheep has strayed from his flock, "the pope announced over the park's P.A. system. "But by the grace of God, he has been found safe and unharmed, and can be picked up at Porky's Pavilion."

According to Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls, Benedict accomplished everything he set out to do during the three days, with the exception of a much-anticipated visit to Colossus, the 18-story Ferris wheel, which the Holy Father canceled at the last moment for unspecified reasons.

"This is truly a special part of the world, and my time at Six Flags brought me closer to God—particularly when I was suspended in midair at the peak of Mr. Freeze," said the pope, his hair tousled, his face and the back of his neck severely sunburned, and his long, flowing robes soaked with water from the Big Kahuna raft ride. "But there is still much more to be done, and I have a feeling that God will call me here again very soon."

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas Tree O' Christmas Tree





























Our two Christmas Trees- the artificial tree (white lights) and the "real" tree (multicolor lights)
Merry Christmas, Happy ALL Holidays, and a Joyous New Year to all. May peace fill your heart and your mind.

Cheers,
Ben

Friday, December 22, 2006

Motorists switch satellite navigation on, brain OFF..

A story that provokes one to contemplate the role of technology in disengaging the human brain and sensibility.. Enjoy!

BERLIN, Dec 22 (Reuters Life!) - Motorists who seem to turn off their brain when switching on their car's satellite navigation system have had a number of spectacular crashes in the past year -- but occasionally they're right to blame the machine.

Drivers obeying directions given by a sultry satnav voice have crashed into rivers, construction sites and roadside toilets in Germany, and had similar accidents in Britain.
"It's hard to understand how these things can happen," said Maximilian Maurer, spokesman for the German motoring club ADAC.

"It's not as if people are driving in a tank with only a small slit to see out. You'd think they have their own eyes and brains engaged to make decisions and not rely on the satnav. I used to think satnavs were 'idiot-proof', but perhaps not."

In October a 53-year-old German, obeying his satnav's command "Turn right now!" jerked the wheel over and crashed into a roadside toilet hut 30 metres (yards) before the crossing he was meant to take, causing 2,000 euros ($2,600) damage.

A few weeks earlier, an 80-year-old motorist also followed his satnav instead of common sense and ignored a "closed for construction" sign on a Hamburg motorway. He hit a pile of sand at high speed but was not hurt.

"I just thought the navigation system knew a shortcut," Volker Heinemann was quoted as telling a local newspaper. His car had to be towed away.
In southern England a 29-year-old woman survived unscathed after misreading her satnav and driving the wrong way on a motorway near Portsmouth at nearly 120 km (75 miles) per hour, according to a local newspaper.
When stopped after 22 km of dodging oncoming traffic, she told police she had only followed the satnav orders.

CHELTENHAM OR CHELMSFORD?
In early December, the American band "Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops" missed their own sold-out concert in Cheltenham, southwest England, after following satnav directions to Chelmsford -- 220 km to the east.
"Whoever tapped the place into the satnav got it wrong," the band's tour manager Alan Frazer said.

An ambulance driver with a faulty satnav drove more than 600 km while transferring a patient from one hospital in Ilford east of London to another in Brentwood -- 13 km away. He was near Manchester, northern England, before realizing his error.

Experts say that as cars get smarter, some people seem to get dumber, and the problem increases as more vehicles are equipped with the devices. ADAC said one in three new cars in Germany has satnav, and retailers say they are among the top Christmas gifts in Germany this year.

Joachim Siedler, spokesman for market leader Blaupunkt, said it was absurd to blame the gadgets for human errors and noted motorists are clearly warned the devices are there to help, not to take decisions.

"If a traffic light is red it's obvious you have to stop even if the satnav says 'drive straight on'," he said. "People who drive into rivers and then blame their satnav are just too humiliated to accept blame themselves."

One German did drive his car into the Havel River near Berlin on a foggy Christmas Day. He said his satnav had made a ferry crossing look like a bridge.
ADAC spokesman Maurer said humans are ultimately responsible for the blunders but noted that satnavs are not infallible.

"I was on a motorway recently and my satnav said 'turn left now'," he said. "If I had done, I would have crashed into the guard rail. It was using an outdated, pre-motorway map."

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Pet story TWO from my distant past...


Alright kids, here is pet story number two; a cherished pet story from way back! A long time ago, in a shag-carpeted 1979 Chevy van, two kids decided to "help" their cat with its travel anxiety. The story went like this..

On another excursion from the cottage back to New Jersey, our pet cat (again, Daisy) was exhibiting her usual travel anxiety, actually MUCH worse than the usual travel anxiety. By the time we were 20 minutes into the trip, after Daisy ran up my back to use my skull as a lookout post of sorts, my sister and I decided that we would try to chill out our crazed kitty to preserve our scalps and epidermis.

My sister and I were familiar with the tranquilizing effects of the motion-sickness medicine Dramamine. We figured we could help Daisy mellow out a bit by slipping her a little Dramamine in a cat snack. So, we prepped out home-brewed sedative and fed it to DAISY and waited for the expected result- a mellowed out cat. To our fright, we found something quite to the contrary! Almost immediately after feeding Daisy the Dramamine snack, she started to foam at the mouth like a rabid dog. It looked like when you pop an Alka Seltzer tab into a little container of water- a volatile little fountain of foaming bubbles that seems like it won't stop bubbling!

As Daisy foamed at the mouth like a fiend, my sister and I freaked out, both scared that we had poisoned our cat and she would die right there in the van on the shag carpet. We wiped the foam away from her cat lips, but it just kept foaming, foam dripping all over the orange and brown carpet. We tried to splash some water on her face and that was when my mom spotted the odd commotion and asked us what the hell was going on in the back of the '79 shaggin' wagon van to make the cat foam like Cujo. We lied, a pattern for us back then, and told my mom we didn't know what happened and that she just started foaming at the mouth.

Fortunately for my sister and I, right as my mom started to step up her inquisition into the matter, Daisy puked up the Dramamine pill which prompted me to say "See mom, she just puked up a little hairball, she's OK!" As the foaming stopped, my sister and I broke into a typical kid laughing fit which lasted another 30 minutes. Just like the magic tapeworm incident, we thought this was absolutely hysterical. Well, that is after we were certain that Daisy was NOT going to die from Dramamine ingestion!

I guess the moral of the story, if there is one, is that you should never give your cats Dramamine and probably avoid Alka-Seltzer too

Monday, December 18, 2006

A Pet Story From My DISTANT Past!



Virtually all Americans have some form of pet or another, most have dogs and cats. To this end, I wanted to write a blog or two about funny pet stories from my history with pets. The funniest stories involve a cat named "Daisy" that we got when I was about 10 years old. Sit back, and enjoy Daisy story numero uno!

When we relocated to New Jersey from Upstate New York we would travel from Jersey to our little cottage on Lake Ontario during the summer months, and we would always bring our cat Daisy- always to her objection, atleast while we were in a car!
Cats don't seem to travel well, atleast every cat that my family owned never handled travelling well. Typical cat travel response seemed to include severe panting, incessant pained meowing, and odd stress behaviors. The latter, odd stress behaviors, is where this amusing story springs from..

During one of our travels to the cottage with my mom, sister, and the aforementioned Daisy the cat, most of the trip was spent with Daisy typically freaked out-- panting like she hadn't had water in days and just swallowed a bag of cotton balls, as well as the typical meowing and crawling on the dashboard. The usual crazy cat travel behavior for driving miss Daisy!
Halfway into the trip Daisy intertwined herself in the steering wheel right as my mom was making a turn- rooooooound and round went Daisy, sideways then upside down like a kid out of control on a playground ride! Well, we thought that was histerical enough watching a cat twisted up and around on a steering wheel, but what happened next freaked us right out..

After my mom extricated Daisy from her steering wheel trap, and tossed her onto the passenger seat, my sister and I noticed a little present that Daisy left behind on the steering wheel- a moving little present in the form of a worm!!! Yep, a living, creeping, crawling worm was now inching it's way around the steering wheel! My mom almost jerked the car off the road at 63 MPH following the simultaneous shrieks and laughter of my sister and I who first spotted Willy the creeper worm. As the little worm vigorously inched along the steering wheel, probably in hot pursuit of a new host to latch onto since the steering wheel jarred it loose from Daisy, my mom grabbed a Kleenex and scraped off the offending worm (tapeworm I do believe!) and tossed it in a Wendy's food bag.

Whaaaaaaaat the hell!?! My sister and I spent the next hour and a half in hysterics laughing about not only the "creeper" tapeworm as we dubbed it, but the steering wheel rodeo that shook that sucker from Daisy's bowels! Oh man, what comedic material for a bunch of kids, it was nuts.

We did take Daisy to the vet and got medicine to eradicate any remaining worm copilots that were crawling about her intestinal tract, and she lived happily ever after for another 10 years or so. Shortly after the "creeper" incident was a very amusing Dramamine incident which I will reveal in a forthcoming blog that my sister and I in outright hysterics, sadly at Daisy's expense (again, all ended well!).

Every once in awhile when reminiscing about pets from the past, the "creeper" story invariably comes up, and my sister and I both get a laugh. Pets are always good for some amusing times, especially if creeper worms pop out of their body following a steering wheel Shiatsu massage!

Cheers to funny pet stories,

Ben

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Iragis WILL love Christmas... even if force is required!


BAGHDAD, IRAQ—On almost every corner in Iraq's capital city, carolers are singing, trees are being trimmed, and shoppers are rushing home with their packages—all under the watchful eye of U.S. troops dedicated to bringing the magic of Christmas to Iraq by force.

U.S. soldiers instruct an Iraqi to tell Santa what he wants for Christmas.
"It's important that life in liberated Iraq get back to normal as soon as possible," said Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz at a press conference Monday. "That's why we're making sure that Iraqis have the best Christmas ever—something they certainly wouldn't have had under Saddam Hussein's regime."

To that end, 25,000 troops from the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and 82nd Airborne Division have been deployed. Their missions include the distribution of cookies and eggnog at major Iraqi city centers, the conscription of bell-ringers from among the Iraqi citizenry, and the enforcement of a new policy in which every man, woman, and child in Baghdad pays at least one visit to 'Twas The Night... On Ice.

Immediately following the press conference, high-altitude bombers began to string Christmas lights throughout the greater-Baghdad area, and Wild Weasel electronic-warfare fighter jets initiated 24-hour air patrols to broadcast Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" over the nation. Armored columns struck out from all major allied firebases to erect a Christmas tree in the town square of every city, while foot soldiers placed fully lit, heavily guarded nativity scenes in front of every Iraqi mosque.

"Thus far, Operation Desert Santa has gone off without a hitch," said Gen. Stanley Kimmet, commander of U.S. armed reconnaissance-and-mistletoe operations in the volatile Tikrit region of central Iraq. "There has been sporadic house-to-house fighting during our door-to-door caroling, but that's to be expected in a Christmas season of this magnitude."

According to Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, the top American military commander in Iraq, every precaution is being taken to ensure the peaceful enforcement of the Christmas season in occupied Iraq.

"All American military personnel have been instructed that the observation of Christmas should be carried out efficiently and tastefully, with minimal emphasis on the season's commercial aspects," said Sanchez, who addressed reporters while a decorations division strung wreaths and garlands outside his headquarters. "We must keep in mind that the reason for the season-oriented campaign is for Iraq to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
An aide for Sanchez later explained that, in order to ensure a meaningful holiday season for all Iraqis, provisions were made for those Iraqis who elected to observe Hanukkah.

A mosque in Baghdad decorated by U.S. troops.
Like many U.S. operations in Iraq, Operation Desert Santa has met with some resistance. A convoy transporting fruitcake and gingerbread came under rocket attack Sunday night just outside Checkpoint Noël in Basra, and unidentified bands of Iraqis exchanged gunfire with Marines operating an armored Humvee simulated sleigh ride in a Baghdad suburb. In spite of these troubles, regional commanders report progress, with only eight U.S. casualties resulting from the operation.

Still, Iraqis report that they are unable to get into the Christmas spirit.
"Why am I supposed to feel joy for the world?" said 34-year-old Baghdad mechanic Hassan al-Ajili as he stood in line for his mandatory visit with Santa. "My country is still at war. I need an American identification card to get anywhere in my own city. Now, for some reason, men with machine guns have placed two rows of jingling antlered pigs on the roof of our house. This is insane."

Bush, speaking from his Crawford ranch, praised the brave men and women of Operation Desert Santa and asked for the understanding of all Americans.
"We must be patient with the Iraqis," said Bush, seated before a Christmas tree dotted with Scottish terrier ornaments. "The holidays can be a very stressful time, especially for people not yet used to the customs. I'm sure Iraq will enjoy the happiest of holiday seasons if we show resolve and commit to making sure that they do."

President Bush then called for 30,000 new troops to be deployed in the next week to ensure an effective and precise enforcement of Christmas throughout the region. Salvation and Eighth Army detachments will be stationed on every corner by Christmas Eve to make sure that every last Iraqi citizen spends the holiday at home, with family.
Sanchez said he is confident that he can meet that deadline.

"A merry Christmas in Iraq means peace in the Middle East has finally been achieved," Sanchez said. "God bless us, every one."

For Cheech: Wii STRAPPER update!


TOKYO/LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Nintendo Co. Ltd. (7974.OS: Quote, NEWS , Research) said on Friday it will voluntarily exchange 3.2 million straps for its "Wii" game console controller following reports of damaged TVs and minor physical injuries caused by flying "Wiimotes."
The company behind video game characters such as Donkey Kong and Super Mario said it is replacing existing Wii remote straps with a wider, stronger version. Individually packaged Wiimotes purchased after December 18 will have the new 1 mm cord.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Two "phrases" to AVOID during a holiday mall visit

As we enter the holiday season, I need to warn you about the scourge that infests most shopping malls at this time- the seasonal hard-sell kiosks that sell miracle hand lotion packages.
At most malls they go by the name "Secret Spa." These annoying seasonal kiosks are manned by pirahna sales staff who harass poor shoppers with their relentless sales pitch for their crappy hand creams. I will now tell you their two standard come-on phrases, so you will be prepared and know when to RUN..

FIRST: "Try some..Try some!"
As you approach the kiosk, even if you do not make eye contact, the Secret Spa sales rep(s) will move towards you, obstructing your progress, extend the bottle of "miracle dead sea hand cream" in your direction and say "Try some.. Try some!" Usually there is a heavy accent associated, as virtually all these sales reps seem to be Slavic or some sort of Russian-type origin. In fact, I believe these people may be held agains their will and forced to sell miracle dead sea hand creme, in exchange for the promise of a green-card!

SECOND: "Can I ask you a question?
If you ignore them, they will then try to stop you in your tracks with a question, which ALWAYS is: "Can I ask you question?" That's the hook.. If you stop, they've got you. Once they reel you in with the feigned query, they will lead you deeper into a sales pitch until you feel like you have no choice but to purchase the crappy product-- I observed it in action, trust me on this! I saw these jerks pull this trick on two poor little nuns. NUNS!!

Ok, now you know the battle cry and tactics of the "Secret Spa" seasonal kiosk nazis. I lodged a complaint with the mall about them and I hope more people do. When I filed the complaint details the mall rep said to me "Good for you, I want to wring their necks myself!" I understand that malls need to make money, and these scumbags clearly pay rent for a few months. But, for me, they wrecked the shopping experience so much I am inclined to stay away from the mall (my experience happened at the Galleria Mall in Buffalo). My personal opinion is that "Secret Spa" is a scam that just shouldn't be justified with a kios at the mall, even if they pay rent for a few months. It's an ethical poopsicle, that's right POOPSICLE!!

If you've experienced "Secret Spa" or something of the sort, let me know. I'd love to hear your story and what you think of these sort of merchants.

Cheers to filing my first mall complaint form!

"Fish Taco" Soda Anyone??



SEATTLE (Reuters) - After introducing the world to new soda flavors like fish taco and salmon, Seattle specialty beverage maker Jones Soda Co. is offering a new flavor: Green pea.
Green pea, along with other unusual sodas such as turkey and gravy, dinner roll, sweet potato and antacid flavor, will be part of the company's $10 to $15 "holiday pack" of bottled drinks available nationwide.

Peter van Stolk, chief executive of Jones Soda, said on Monday the collection of strange-flavored sodas usually sells out quickly, even though he can not stomach the drinks. Past flavors included broccoli casserole, corn on the cob and Brussel sprout.

"Why people buy it is beyond me. I can't drink a bottle of this stuff," said van Stolk.
Jones Soda, which sells traditional sodas alongside more exotic flavors like fufu berry and green apple, first introduced the holiday soda pack in 2003, gaining notoriety for its turkey and gravy flavor soda.

"We have the market share leader in turkey-flavored beverages," said van Stolk. "We know we can't compete with Coke or Pepsi by playing their game, but we know they're not going to come out with a turkey flavor or antacid flavor."

Asked if there were any flavors that were off limits, van Stolk said he put his foot down when it came to curried chicken flavor.
"Fish taco was just nasty and we tried curried chicken. That was just wrong," he said.

K-Tel Miracle Freckle Remover!




Another great odd story from Reuters. This time about an amazing freckle/spot remover. This sounds like it could be an "As Seen on TV" product produced by K-Tel, my favorite maker or igloo block forms and other cool products! I wonder if Mary Kay sells this too? Hmmmm

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has banned TV ads for a freckle remover, touted as being so good it could remove spots from fish, when it not only killed fish but led to rashes, blisters and skin inflammation on the humans who tried it.

Advertisements promoting "Magic Freckle Removing Gel," produced by a Shanghai company, used a celebrity, bogus experts and fish to endorse the cosmetic, but fish exposed to the gel by a research institute later died from poisoning, the Beijing News said.

"(The institute) carried out a test washing the fish's spots in the gel. Two fish died successively on the third and sixth days," the paper said, citing an investigative report on Chinese state television.

Experts later found that three different fish had been used in the advertisement to make the cleanser appear effective, the paper said.

Claims that the cleanser was produced by an American company using "American technology" were also found to be false.

The gel used a plant-based compound often used in traditional Chinese medicine to reduce fever and phlegm, but its claim that it had spot-removing properties was "unscientific," the paper said.

"Not only can it not remove spots, it also has a certain amount of poison," the paper said.
Consumers in Shanghai, Beijing and several Chinese provinces had complained of "rashes, skin inflammation, blistering, colored spots and other adverse reactions," after using the product, the paper said.

China's trade watchdog, the State Administration of Commerce and Industry, had banned the ad and ordered provincial offices to investigate, the paper said.
The advertisements were no longer on television, but Internet sales were still available, the paper said.

Friday, December 15, 2006

WalMart, home of "Civil War" people


WALMART CUSTOMER SIGHTING:

Forgive me as I exercise a little facetious blogging for a few minutes..
I want to share what I think is one of the best holiday experiences one can indulge- wandering around the average WalMart store in America, preferably WITH a shopping cart for maximum enjoyment.

I love people watching and a WalMart store is always a great place to observe true Americana in action, it's great. However, WalMart during the holiday season is the best experience in people watching you can find. From the aimlessly wandering crowds (read- walking right in front of you without any regard for anyone else), to the complete absence of any shred of common sense, the most dismal aspects of humanity can be found at any average WalMart store during the holiday shopping season.

I remember when I was a kid I would look at picture books of the Civil War and was shocked by how freaky looking, in my perception, was the average Civil War grunt soldier. Growing up, I never saw people as crazy looking as the wild-eyed folks I saw in Civil War pictures. When I looked at those Civil War pictures as a kid I remember thinking "Maybe in this small amount of time, people evolved because I sure as hell don't see freaky-ass people like in this book!"

When I was growing up there were no WalMarts where I lived. When I stepped into my first WalMart, as a young adult in my twenties, I surveyed the shoppers as any typical self respecting people-watcher does. The first thing I thought to myself was "Holy SHIT! The Civil War people are alive and well and they love WalMart!!!" The Civil War people didn't "evolve," they were simply hiding out and waiting for their mecca to arrive, albeit some 100 years later, so they could finally EMERGE again in all their toothless, wife-beater t-shirt glory! This time they returned not for a Civil War and a good case of the "Monetzuma's Revenge" shits, but a helluva deal on a nose-hair trimmer compliments of roll-back prices!
And they continue to wander the halls in any WalMart store you walk into, anywhere in America. They'll park their carts across a hallway, oblivious as 8 other carts pile up behind them, as they compare prices on Fleet Enemas verus the WalMart brand pooper pushers, and argue with their "significant other" (read: sister or cousin) in the toy aisle. It's always good fun, good people watching indeed!

The Civil War people are alive and well and they love WalMart? Don't believe me? Ok then, hurry down to your local WalMart at about 7:30pm on a Friday night and tell me what you see. And that thing that looks like a hairy hermit crab on that lady's back? Yeah, don't stare too long, it's just her "back-stash," lots of the WalMart ladies sport 'em!

Cheers to Civil War folks, WalMart giving them a home, and Back-Staches!

Birth defects round-up... And you thought YOU had it rough!!

Birth defects roundup:
1) In China, a boy was born with "mermaid syndrome," in which the legs "are joined together from thigh to heel." He has a bum heart, "no kidney or urinary tract," and other defects. Odds of survival: very bad. 2) In the United States, a boy was born with his heart sticking out of his chest. Doctors moved it inside him and will protect it by grafting bits of his ribs across his chest. Odds of survival: very good. 3) In Chile, a boy was born with a twin fetus in his belly. It was 4 inches long and "had limbs and a partially developed spinal cord but no head." Odds of survival: excellent, but not for the fetus.

The mystery of... BAT BOY!








In early September, a 14-year-old kid with empty eye sockets strode on stage for a taping of the talk show Ellen. "I'm not blind," he told the host to wild applause, "I just can't see." The story seemed lifted from the pages of a comic book: At the age of 3, Ben Underwood lost his eyes to retinal cancer. Three years later, he discovered that he could sense objects around him by making little clicking noises with his tongue and then listening for the echoes. Now, he uses these clicks to find doorways and locate cars on the street. That's right—he navigates with sonar.

The Sonar Boy had been on the CBS Evening News a few days earlier, Rollerblading, playing Foosball, and throwing pillows at his sisters. But his big break came back in July, when People magazine ran a five-page profile that dubbed him "The Boy Who Sees With Sound." "Ben pushes the limits of human perception," one expert told People. Watch the clips of him on YouTube and it's hard to disagree—if this kid's not a prodigy, he's a brilliant fraud.

Ben Underwood's echolocation isn't a hoax, but it's not an unexplained mystery, either. Ben really can sense nearby objects with reflected sound waves. But so can you. If Sonar Boy is some kind of superhero, then we're a nation of Daredevils.

Go ahead and try out the skill you never knew you had. First, close your eyes and put on a blindfold, and then ask a friend to move a frying pan forward and backward in front of your face. Now start making noises—any noises you want. You can click your tongue like Sonar Boy, or you can whistle, or you can sing a scale. With a little bit of practice, you'll be able to tell when the pan is close to you and when it's not.

You won't even know you're hearing an echo. In general, you'll only catch your sound repeated if it bounces off something far away: First you'd hear your own voice, then a pause, and then the echo of your voice returning to your ear. When you bounce a noise off of something that's close to your face—like the frying pan—it zips back so fast that it overlaps with the original sound. The brain hears the combination of the two as something like an alteration in pitch. So, you may not hear a discrete echo when you whistle at a frying pan, but your ears can pick up the difference.

Anyone can echolocate, but blind people happen to be especially good at it. (And Ben Underwood seems to be even better than most blind people.) You don't even have to make your own clicks or whistles; some people use the echoes from ambient noise, or even from their own footsteps, to sense obstacles. With trained ears, you might be able to tell when you're passing an open door in a hallway by the way the sound "opens up" around you.

For centuries, scientists have been working on the question of how blind people compensate for their loss of vision. Diderot's "Letter on the Blind" from 1749 described an "amazing ability" to navigate in the absence of sight, which later became known as "facial vision." (Practitioners described a sensation of feeling objects or barriers on the skin of their faces.) The notion that this spatial sense arose from touch and not sound was only disproved in the 1940s.

At the time, no one knew exactly how a person might "hear" an object. Echolocation was still a new concept—the term had been coined a few years before, and its use by bats had only been documented in 1938. Research into sonar exploded in the early years of the Cold War, due to its apparent military applications. But the notion wasn't systematically applied to blind people—and "facial vision"—until a notorious psychologist named Winthrop Kellogg began his human-echolocation research program around the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Kellogg was best known for a controversial, Depression-era experiment in which he raised a baby chimpanzee alongside his own infant son. (Click here for a movie he made of the two babies.) But he'd also spent years showing that porpoises, like bats, use reflected sound waves to navigate their environment. In 1962, he published his first major study showing the ability in humans. Using a setup not much different than the frying-pan test described above, Kellogg was able to prove that people—and especially blind people—can use self-generated noises to locate discs of various sizes and materials. (His subjects could even distinguish between discs covered in velvet and denim.)

Of course, the human echolocation he demonstrated wasn't nearly as sharp as that of other animals. Bats, for example, emit and hear sounds at very high frequencies, which allows them to track tiny insects in midflight. Some bats even compensate for the Doppler effect as they swoop toward their prey and cancel out the interfering sound of their own fluttering wings. People couldn't do any of this fine-scale discrimination, but Kellogg showed that they could use sound to sense a world of blobs and textures.

Meanwhile, the same postwar period had seen the development of another branch of research on people who were visually impaired. Staffers at military hospitals spent much of the 1940s figuring out how to teach orientation and mobility skills to blinded World War II veterans. Aspects of the "O&M" program they developed—which made use of long canes and reflected sound—are still in use today. Earlier this year, a panel of O&M experts included echolocation on a list of skills that should be taught to every blind student.

Everyone agrees that sonar can be useful, but the extent to which it should be relied upon remains a controversial issue in O&M. A few specialists, like Dan Kish (the expert quoted in People), believe that echolocation can be used as a primary mode of getting around. But it's more often taught as a secondary skill—to be employed only in conjunction with a cane or guide dog. (A specialist might suggest tapping the end of a metal-tipped cane for sonar feedback.)
Many O&M specialists believe that even the most talented echolocaters would be better off—that is, safer—with a more conventional mode of navigation. Even Ben Underwood's own specialist worries over his reliance on clicks. "It would be much safer for him to use a cane," the specialist told the Sacramento Bee back in May. For all his skill, the specialist added, Ben still runs into people and trees and walls.

The story of Ben Underwood propagates another idea that advocates for blind people find uncomfortable. They've been working for years to dispel the long-standing "myth" that people without sight can compensate for their deficit with superhuman hearing or touch. (Some people who are blind don't hear well at all, and the ones who do would rather not be thought of as freaks of nature.) And now here comes the amazing Sonar Boy, the Boy Who Sees With Sound.
Did Ben get to be so good at echolocation because of some extraordinary brain development? Or is it just that he's been practicing in his every waking minute for eight years? Kellogg's experiments couldn't distinguish between the two. Even today, scientists don't have a handle on the extent to which blind people are better at using their ears.

If people who are blind really do have exceptional hearing, it's not easy to demonstrate it in the lab. It wasn't until the late 1990s that blind test subjects were shown to be better at localizing sounds, and even then it was only for sounds that originated from off to the side. (Subsequent work implied that blind people are worse at localizing sounds from directly ahead of them.) Other experiments suggest that the blind may be slightly better than average at discriminating pitch and that their ears might be a bit more sensitive to echo cues. Sensory compensation may not be a myth, but it's not a miracle, either.

Just like the Sonar Boy. We were all amazed by his ability to sense objects with tongue clicks, but we only believed in him because he's blind. We knew that humans can't use sonar, but we were just as certain that blindness can make you superhuman. That pair of misconceptions was enough to make Ben Underwood a celebrity.

"Happy Feet" A conspiracy?



REALITY VS. DISCO PENGUIN FUNK!


I have a theory that the cutesy new movie "Happy Feet" was created as a response to the somber (and accurate) portrayal of penguins in the movie "March of the Penguins" to influence impressionable kids to ameliorate concerns about global warming and the harsh impact upon our animal friends in the world!

Here's the reasoning behind my HAPPY FEET conspiracy theory: I saw an ad for Happy Feet tonight that went a little like this.. The ad opens with what looks like a scene from March of the Penguins and a voice-over says "Think Penguins have it tough? THINK AGAIN!" Then, it flashes to a cutesy little scene from Happy Feet in which Penguins are dancing (like you know they do) like a bunch of amped up freaks at a disco having a good old time! Ohhhhh RIGHT, that's what a penguins life is really like. Gosh darnit, why did that March of the Penguins lead me astray and make me think they had it so rough?! I knew the whole time that penguins have a cool life of disco dancing and basking in the sun, a polar Club Med!

Yup, forget about global warming kids, forget about loss of habitat and the harsh realities of life for the other inhabitants of this planet-- "THINK AGAIN!" Forget all that crap and re-focus on toys, instant messanging, and disco-lovin' penguins. That's the American Way baby, DELUSION!

I know i'm a little crazy, well maybe a lot crazy, but I think something STINKS with Happy Feet and it's not a bad case of Penguin foot fungus! Or, it could just be innocent entertainment.. YOU make the call

Now that "The Humpies" are famous


Now that The Humpies are famous greeting card models, they have gone incognito to avoid the crush of paparazi and stalkers!

You might be a freak IF...




You buy your pet a "Pet Card" for the holidays!

Yep, you heard me right, A GREETING CARD for pets! I couldn't believe it either until I heard the PetSmart commercial while driving around yesterday and finding myself suddenly dumbfounded as the announcer proclaimed the wide selection of holiday gifts for pets (at PetSmart), including holiday greeting cards for all pets!
CARD... FOR PETS!! Oh... my....Buddha! Whaaaat?! When the hell did Americans go totally insane!?!

My friends, people who purchase schmaltz for pets is not some tiny segment of the consumer market. I recently read that over 3 BILLION dollars are spend on pet gifts, including cards! That's a lot of jack slapped on the counter for chewie bones, rawhide treats, alien costumes for Chihuahas, and now GREETING CARDS for all varitieties of pets. Wow..
I understand that someone would want to buy their dog a chewie bone, or new chase toy for Christmas. When I was a kid we would always get our pet Collie a new chewie bone and she loved it. But greeting cards? People, if you haven't realized it yet animals DO NOT read greeting cards, or anything that I am aware of! Does purchasing greeting cards for pets seem completely insane to anyone else? It surely does not seem insane to the millions and millions of people who buy this funky stuff every year.

I always like to try to understand things that seem completely confounding to me, so I will try to peer into the mind of the pet owner who would purchase their cat or gerbil a holiday card. Ok, this is what I come up with, the only shred of reason that I can distill from what seems like shere madness to me. The reason we would buy our collie a chewie bone at Christmas is because she liked eating them and it made us FEEL GOOD that we were doing something nice for our pet on a holiday. Perhaps people buy things for their pets (that are functionally useless to the pet!) because it makes the owner feel good- the owner believes they have enhanced the human/animal companion bond through a perceived act of inclusion. Maybe this is totally crazy, but it's the only thing I can conjure to rationalize the purchase of pet greeting cards! What do you think?

Do you buy your pets greeting cards? Do you make your pet a greeting card? If I had a dog and felt inclined to build it a greeting card, it would probably read something like this-- "Dear Rover, Happy Holidays! I know you can't read this card and can't understand any of this crap i'm reading to you. Honestly, this is more for my well-being than any benefit to you, so just sit there and listen! I'm sorry I had to take you to that traumatizing vet visit last month to have your anal glands popped. I know that must have hurt your ass AND your psyche! Anyway, Merry Christmas.. Well, Maybe Happy Hannukah, perhaps you're Jewish? I never asked. At any rate, i'm sorry about that ass-gland thing little buddy, I hope you forgive me! --Love Ben"

Ah, who knows! Americans, we're crazy, as exhibited by the photo at the TOP of this blog!!