WalMart, home of "Civil War" people

WALMART CUSTOMER SIGHTING:

Forgive me as I exercise a little facetious blogging for a few minutes..
I want to share what I think is one of the best holiday experiences one can indulge- wandering around the average WalMart store in America, preferably WITH a shopping cart for maximum enjoyment.

I love people watching and a WalMart store is always a great place to observe true Americana in action, it's great. However, WalMart during the holiday season is the best experience in people watching you can find. From the aimlessly wandering crowds (read- walking right in front of you without any regard for anyone else), to the complete absence of any shred of common sense, the most dismal aspects of humanity can be found at any average WalMart store during the holiday shopping season.

I remember when I was a kid I would look at picture books of the Civil War and was shocked by how freaky looking, in my perception, was the average Civil War grunt soldier. Growing up, I never saw people as crazy looking as the wild-eyed folks I saw in Civil War pictures. When I looked at those Civil War pictures as a kid I remember thinking "Maybe in this small amount of time, people evolved because I sure as hell don't see freaky-ass people like in this book!"

When I was growing up there were no WalMarts where I lived. When I stepped into my first WalMart, as a young adult in my twenties, I surveyed the shoppers as any typical self respecting people-watcher does. The first thing I thought to myself was "Holy SHIT! The Civil War people are alive and well and they love WalMart!!!" The Civil War people didn't "evolve," they were simply hiding out and waiting for their mecca to arrive, albeit some 100 years later, so they could finally EMERGE again in all their toothless, wife-beater t-shirt glory! This time they returned not for a Civil War and a good case of the "Monetzuma's Revenge" shits, but a helluva deal on a nose-hair trimmer compliments of roll-back prices!
And they continue to wander the halls in any WalMart store you walk into, anywhere in America. They'll park their carts across a hallway, oblivious as 8 other carts pile up behind them, as they compare prices on Fleet Enemas verus the WalMart brand pooper pushers, and argue with their "significant other" (read: sister or cousin) in the toy aisle. It's always good fun, good people watching indeed!

The Civil War people are alive and well and they love WalMart? Don't believe me? Ok then, hurry down to your local WalMart at about 7:30pm on a Friday night and tell me what you see. And that thing that looks like a hairy hermit crab on that lady's back? Yeah, don't stare too long, it's just her "back-stash," lots of the WalMart ladies sport 'em!

Cheers to Civil War folks, WalMart giving them a home, and Back-Staches!